Veritas, no vino required…
Friday nights. I’m sitting home on a Friday night, having dinner with myself on my deck out back. Watching my dog play and graze on the grass like she’s a vegetarian. Guess she needs to eat soon;) But I sit here and think of what society tells us we should do – the pushes and pulls from “they” who know best. You see, I’m kid-free this weekend which means I could do pretty much anything I wanted, within reason of course. But I choose to stay home for the evening and am perfectly fine with it.
Who says I have to go paint the town? Who says I have to surround myself with people and engage in conversations I’d rather not have? Who says I have to join the masses and drink off the frustrations of the week? Society does. “They” do. Or at least that’s the pressure I feel sometimes. But why should I follow some idea that doesn’t feel right?
I’d rather enjoy a quiet evening alone in my home, and so that’s what I’ll do.
Dating. Oh here’s a big one. I know a lot of people have opinions with this one. My dating history is not that long. I married right out of college, had 3 daughters who stole my heart at birth, then later divorced and life went on.
I developed a loving relationship with a wonderful man I’d known since childhood. Not well, mind you, but we went to the same schools. Our lives had crossed many times at a much earlier date than just four years ago when we started growing closer. Without going into detail (which is not needed), our lives separated after two years together and went in opposite directions.
I learned a LOT about myself through time alone and deepening my practice of yoga. I probably could have done the same without yoga, but it’s highly unlikely for me.
Yoga has a beautiful way of opening emotional blocks within and unfolding them right in front of you so that you may learn about them and deal with them in a non-judgemental way. You learn to love yourself, flaws, weaknesses and all. Acknowledging and accepting all aspects of your life and taking responsibility for your happiness. I deserved happiness and so did he. And I honestly wished him happiness in every way possible, even if it meant with another girl.
You see, I still loved this man, even though I was going on with my life without him. And I wished him well. This feeling didn’t come easy. It developed after much heart-wrenching, soul-searching, space and time, and simply life. Life goes on. And so did I. There’s immense beauty in letting go of a situation’s hold on you.
When you have nothing to lose, you have everything to gain. And when you give what you believe to be your all, the Universe responds with a gift that cannot be taken away. To sincerely wish the best for someone you still have feelings for is one of the hardest things to do. I’m not trying to pat myself on the back or boost myself here; I’m simply illustrating how I got to a place of peace with my past.
I went on to date, again, a man who treated me very well. We laughed and had fun and even loved. But it was not the love I had felt before. I mean no disrespect nor do I wish to speak any ill words about this man, for there are none. My heart was just not completely in it. I tried. I sincerely tried for over a year to move on and love another. Yet I had to be fair to myself, to him and to the relationship between us.
I believe certain souls are meant to be together, and that the Universe will do whatever it takes to bring them together. When something is meant to be, it will keep appearing in your life until you get it – until your conscious thoughts and actions correlate with the thoughts and actions of your spiritual self.
I’d rather live with an open heart and connected soul than live untruthfully to myself and others. So that’s what I’ll do.
In the closing of a recent Elephant Journal article, it reads:
A friend of mine once said you could never go back. I refute this now. If you’ve grown from and during the process of departure, and rediscover time and again an eternal flame, then nothing is lost: you’ve just unlocked a door to some hidden treasure. That, in itself, is something worth keeping.”
To you, my friend, feeling a truth, wishing to convey yet is afraid/worried/concerned about what “they” will think… Go with your heart. Follow that which your soul desires. Our brains have a lovely way of deceiving us at times, especially when we add logic and societal ideas. We can certainly ask for advice, however our souls already know what to do.
Don’t believe what your eyes are telling you. All they show is limitation. Look with your understanding, find out what you already know, and you’ll see the way to fly. — Richard Bach
As always, many blessings, x x