Ever feel weighted down and want to rid yourself of something but don’t exactly know what that something is? That’s been me. Totally. The past week or so. Feeling the need to simplify, to rid of anything negative, taking up space, or not serving a purpose. A lot easier said than done sometimes. Until I make my way back to my mat…
It always leads there, doesn’t it? At least for us yogis it does. My mat. A safe place to be, with nothing beneath me but Earth and no agenda besides breath and movement. That’s where I work through things – sore muscles, shallow breathing, a heavy heart, or a mind full of rambles. A place without judgement, or at least I can judge myself then forgive myself for doing so – and just be. Be with my thoughts. Be with what feels right and move from there.
This morning I was back at the Den for an intense Power Bhakti class with my fave instructor. I was right in front of a heat dish and I tell you, you could’ve collected a glass of sweat from all that was dripping off of me. Gross, sorry, I know, but SO detoxifying. I needed that. I needed the release, to get out of my head and breathe. That place has become my second home – not so much in that I’m there all the time, but in the sense of comfort. I walk in and I know I am among friends and can totally be myself. The heat is there. The guidance is there. All I have to do is listen, move, breathe, and the rest falls into place. My thoughts, my feelings, all is good in the world.
So I was practicing this morning and that’s when it hit me… I decided NOT to cut my hair. Haha… you’re probably thinking, “What?! All this lead up to HAIR?!” Crazy, right. Aha! moments don’t always happen. But when they do, it’s fabulous! Yes, I was feeling the need to simplify and rid of everyday weight, so I was thinking of cutting my hair into this longer pixie cut. Shorter, easier, less management, more time for other things. But I kept going back and forth, hemming and hawwing, should I? should I not? And I came to the conclusion that if I can’t settle on sitting under the scissors, maybe I shouldn’t. For now, at least. There’s no rush. My hair will be there tomorrow if I decide then. I’m very thankful to have hair, for a lot of people don’t.
So maybe it’s not my hair that I’m feeling the weight from. Maybe it’s just the day-to-day grind that I get caught up in. Maybe it’s the expectation of being present for my patients, the doctors I work for, my co-workers, my kids, my students… Trying to be there for everyone else, when I wasn’t there for me.
I’m teaching yoga now on a regular basis (which I LOVE!). In a couple of weeks, I start teaching 2 classes (sometimes more) per week on top of being a mom and a full-time ophthalmic peep. I’m finding I need a new balance. I’m giving more of myself each week, so this means making certain I give more care to myself through that which I love… time on my mat with personal practice.
Be mindful not to allow the noise of life and daily expectations weigh you down.
Next time you feel weighted down, take a moment to breathe. Look inside before assuming it’s originating from the out. Listen and acknowledge. And if it’s time you need, take it. There are times we must jump at opportunities, but other times it’s okay to pause. If it doesn’t sit well in your gut, most likely you need more time to sort it out. Breathe. Every breath is a new beginning.
Yesterday was my birthday. And it was a very sweet birthday. I received so many well wishes and loving thoughts. I am always honored by the smiles and kind words I receive from family and friends near and far. Those simple words, “happy birthday”, can put a smile on anyone’s face, but especially mine. It reminds me of how expansive and easy love is. A smile is so simple yet brings so much to someone’s day. Life is a gift and we should celebrate it.
It’s always someone’s birthday, right? A day this Earth was given another soul to journey with, to befriend and share the good and bad with. Honor that. And honor each other. There’s a spark in all of us – some brighter than others;) However, once a spark is ignited, a flame is sure to follow. Shine on, my friends.
As I was putting my children to bed last night, my youngest, already settled in after her back-rub, sweetly said, “Mommy?” “Yes, Emma Grace?” And in that sleepy little voice so intoxicating she simply said, “I love you”. I teared up sitting right there on the bed. Unexpected yet so appreciated. My day was complete.
So very thankful. Namaste.